Today, we celebrate Festivus, Lakers style.
First, we need to get the Festivus Pole. (It requires no decoration. I find tinsel distracting.) For our purposes, this is the Lakers Pole. About the best we can do here is a Polish Lakers Web site. It will have to do.
This is followed by the Festivus Meal, although we are going to skip straight to the dessert which is Jack Nicholson’s treat (he was going to share with everyone until Kwame Brown got near it and…)
Next, we have the Airing Of Grievances — I got a lot of problems with you people! And now, you’re gonna hear about it.
• Bynum, they’re layups, make them.
• I’ve now seen more of Shannon Brown than ever needed to.
• Joel Meyer’s use of the word length.
• The people who don’t bother to show up for their expensive, third row seats.
• The drunk guys in the 300 section who think they have a shot with the Laker girls
• Puppet Kobe having a goatee when the real one doesn’t.
• The Portland Trailblazer television announcers.
• $10 beers at sporting events
• The color green.
• The LeBron/Kobe debate.
• The Amway/Jupiter Jack commercials on NBATV.
• Shaq saying the feud between him and Kobe was “marketing.”
• Shaq saying anything about Lakers ownership or management
Finally, we have the Feats of Strength.