Exclusive: Mark Cuban Buys Lakers

Kurt —  April 1, 2009 — 33 Comments

NBA: MAR 5 Mavericks at Hornets
Saying “If you can’t beat them, join them,” the very public owner of the Dallas Mavericks has purchased a majority share of the Los Angeles Lakers from Dr. Jerry Buss.

Cuban made the announcement via Twitter.

While the final price was not made public, it is believed to be well more than the $584 million that Forbes estimated the Lakers franchise was worth. Cuban said he was glad to overpay — that it was worth it just to see David Stern’s face when he has to hand him the Larry O’Brien Trophy.

“He dodged that bullet a couple years ago that he had the refs call a foul on my guys (the Mavericks) for even looking at Dwyane Wade,” Cuban said. “Let’s see him stop me now.”

If Cuban cannot win the title with the Lakers this year, he has promised to make lopsided trades that would bring Dirk Nowitzki, Jason Terry and other key Mavericks over to the Lakers to form an unbeatable Überteam that would not only win a title but would also obliterate the current single season wins record.

Traditionally, this would be blocked by Stern, but Cuban says he has photos of the Commissioner “going all Marv Albert” and those will keep him quiet.

When reached for a reaction, Phil Jackson asked if Cuban had any daughters.

Officials from AEG, which owns 30% of the Lakers, could not be reached for comment as they were off buying another soccer team.

When told of the news at practice, Jordan Farmar missed an uncontested jumper. Apparently the news had no affect on him or his game of late.

Buss denied rumors that he was forced to make the sale to cover poker losses to Phil Hellmuth. He hinted the money may more likely be used to put out a hit on the loudmouthed poker player.



33 responses to Exclusive: Mark Cuban Buys Lakers

  1. Haha, April Fools!!!

  2. Well, Kurt. What can I say….YOU GOT ME

  3. aahhh…that was not nice…nearly had a stroke…

  4. i was kinda scared for a moment or two.

    but the one that got me, was the news on german television tonight that tv-journalist j.b. kerner and über-goalkeeper oliver kahn will replace the longtime mananger of bayern munich soccer team after the season. i dont really know if it even is a joke though.

    have a nice day, guys. i am still not in a good mood after the beatdown that was the last game. never expected the offense to struggle for an extendend strectch. hope they will come out of the slump soon.

  5. heh, very nice

  6. Kurt, that was a weak effort you could do a LOT better.

  7. lmao Kurt you nearly gave me a heart attack

    Wow I guess this shows the pessimists what a hopeless scenario truly is. Well done.

  8. Now that I actually took the time to read more than the first two lines, I have to say that these:

    “When reached for a reaction, Phil Jackson asked if Cuban had any daughters.”

    “When told of the news at practice, Jordan Farmar missed an uncontested jumper. Apparently the news had no affect on him or his game of late.”

    Greatest lines of the year.

  9. Had this post been written in all seriousness,the punch would have been harder…four lines into the post one knows this is a april fools joke…

  10. Weak. You should try Magic/Rambis/Jabbar returning to Lakers to improve the bench. Wait, better to unretire Malone. And Stockton!

  11. Not funny.

    Given the Lakers’ struggles as of late, and the fact that Bynum’s apparently partying it up with playmates, it’s not looking like a good start to April.

  12. LOL…I believed it for a second. You got me Kurt.

  13. LOL… the best line:

    “When reached for a reaction, Phil Jackson asked if Cuban had any daughters.”

  14. the other Stephen April 1, 2009 at 7:50 am

    for an eternal 10 seconds, my heart died a little bit inside. i trusted you with my heart, kurt!!!

  15. 10. I did Magic coming out of retirement back in 2005 in April, couldn’t go to that card again.

  16. I would’ve had a heart attack if I read a “Pistons buyout Kwame Brown. Lakers looking to re-sign!” post.

  17. For about 5 seconds I was like WTF!?!

    well played…

  18. Lol, at first I was like, “omg cool!” Then I thought about it for more than a few seconds and realized…

    The worst thing is, I could imagine Cuban seriously saying “let’s see him stop me now.”

  19. wondahbap – or a “Lakers offer Guangdong guard Smush Parker a 5 year, $45 million contract”

  20. Funny, but not even remotely believable.

    Except for the lines about Phil and Farmar, those had me cracking up.

  21. Phil asked if Cuban had any daughters. That’s funny.

  22. I think a better one would have been “Lakers beat Bobcats.”

  23. it took a while but my heart rate is back to normal after i found out it was a joke … i thought it was the end for me and the Lakers

  24. Kurt, you should’ve tried Kobe’s out until next season with a serious injury. I bet you’d trick more people that way, lol.

  25. “When reached for a reaction, Phil Jackson asked if Cuban had any daughters.”


    that is all!

  26. @24
    i wouldn’t agree with your suggestion, simply because it’s too bleak and i will definitely cry if it really happened

  27. The only thing that might have made that even funnier was if you had mentioned a quote from Cuban stating that bringing Nowitzki on board would provide room to openly shop Kobe if he decides to re-sign.

  28. The Jordan Farmar line killed me. Great Stuff!

  29. Yeah. The Farmar line was good.

    I’m very disappointed with him right now. I’m also disappointed with Kobe’s decisions to take 3’s when we don’t need them. I really hope he doesn’t do this in the Play-Offs if we’re down. I’m giving him the benefit of doubt, but whether he can make them or not isn’t the problem. It’s the lack of focus and smart play that factors into taking them. Nothing wrong with 2 pts. in a 7 pt. game. Instead, we miss a 3, they make a 3, and it’s a 10 pt game when it should have been 5. Ball game.

  30. new Bucks preview up

  31. “When reached for a reaction, Phil Jackson asked if Cuban had any daughters.”

    If Phil comes across this, I have to think that ^^^ would make him smile.

    Well done.

  32. Almost missed this, lol…

  33. does anyone know the name of the shirt he is wearing? I would love to get my hands on one of those shirts, thanks!

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