Festivus, Lakers Style

Kurt —  December 24, 2009

Today, we celebrate Festivus, Lakers style.

First, we need to get the Festivus Pole. (It requires no decoration. I find tinsel distracting.) For our purposes, this is the Lakers Pole. About the best we can do here is a Polish Lakers Web site. It will have to do.

This is followed by the Festivus Meal, although we are going to skip straight to the dessert which is Jack Nicholson’s treat (he was going to share with everyone until Kwame Brown got near it and…)

Next, we have the Airing Of Grievances — I got a lot of problems with you people! And now, you’re gonna hear about it.

• Bynum, they’re layups, make them.
• I’ve now seen more of Shannon Brown than ever needed to.
• Joel Meyer’s use of the word length.
• The people who don’t bother to show up for their expensive, third row seats.
• The drunk guys in the 300 section who think they have a shot with the Laker girls
• Puppet Kobe having a goatee when the real one doesn’t.
• Flopping
• The Portland Trailblazer television announcers.
• $10 beers at sporting events
• The color green.
• The LeBron/Kobe debate.
• The Amway/Jupiter Jack commercials on NBATV.
• Shaq saying the feud between him and Kobe was “marketing.”
• Shaq saying anything about Lakers ownership or management

Finally, we have the Feats of Strength.

to Festivus, Lakers Style

  1. Kurt – Isn’t Festivus on the 23rd?


    • Yes, and I had this post near ready, but the combination of a hectic day at work and being sick pushed it back. I decided to run it anyway.


  2. Can we add overattention surrounding Paul Pierce “injuries” to the Airing Of Grievances?

    He gets his knee drained and fans have to see crap on Yahoo.com about how he’s suffering from a “freak injury” and needs to be in the hospital.

    Maybe they should just load him up in that magical wheelchair at TD Banknorth and in two minutes’ time he’ll be back on the floor draining threes with moronic Celtic fans calling him “Willis Reed” for the rest of his life (as Kobe plays through two hand injuries that require surgery to heal).

    Let’s all send Paul a generous donation to The Human Fund in honor of his profound suffering.


  3. Hey Shaq, was your feud with Orlando also marketing? How about your feud with the Heat? Was your feud with Buss part of your famous marketing strategy? Did stealing Steve Nash’s concept for a TV show also fall under the Big Marketing strategy?

    You are marketing on company time, you should compensate them on company time.

    He was a great Laker and I loved his time with us but he’s either incredibly cynical or as introspective as my 3 year old. I think it’s time for Bynum to finish what he started in his rookie Christmas game and just rain buckets on the old man’s head.


  4. first time posting, long time reader. awesome knowledgeable site you guys have here. I had an Interesting idea,
    I was wondering why home games are played with the lights off? it might sound a little crazy, and I know our Lakers dont need anything else to make them greater, though I do feel we are missing the Intimidation factor coming from our 7th man (the Crowd) ala the third video up there : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YDfZV5I-s2M which is a few years back when they used to play with the lights on you could feel the electricity in the air, any ideas?


    • I agree, they switched to the Lights Out thing to make Staples look more like the Forum used to, where the focus is on the game not the stands. I think only the Lakers and Knicks do that, but I like it.


  5. Technekal, I never thought about it that way. I remember when they switched to the “Lights Out” strategy a few years ago, after they tried it out and it seemed to actually make the games better — less focus on the crowd, on celebrities, etc., more focus on the game itself.

    I actually was happy they switched it and still prefer it that way, but what does everybody think? Lights on or off?


  6. I like the effect (http://graphics8.nytimes.com/images/2006/11/05/sports/05knicks.1.600.jpg). I can understand worrying about the effect it has on our home court advantage, but let’s be real – that celebrity-laden crowd was never like the ones in Utah or GS circa 07 to begin with. Not a huge loss.

    Happy Holidays to everyone.


  7. Merry Christmas, Happy Hanuka, Happy Kwanza or whatever you celebrate – just enjoy the season! How lucky we are to be years away from those Kobe/Shaq Heat/Laker hypefests. LBJ will have his Cavs ready, but at the end of the day, we’ll still be in great shape. Enjoy time with family, friends and our beloved Lakers.


  8. Christmas Day will be a good test to see where Ron Artest it at, physically and mentally. Artest generally gets by on defense and offense because he’s just so much bigger and stronger than whatever wiry wing player he’s going against. Lebron, on the other hand, is just as strong and much, much, much faster than Artest (and can jump a lot higher to boot). Artest will not have any of the physical advantages against Lebron that he has against the rest of the league.

    Also, Lebron is going to get a lot of superstar foul calls, so it’s important that Artest doesn’t lose his cool and foul out and/or get tossed. Artest also has to stay calm and make his shots on offense when Lebron sags off to double to post.

    The big reason we brought in Artest was to deal with guys like Lebron; here’s the big test to see if he’s up to it.


  9. Lights off! Focus on the floor!

    HAPPY FESTIVUS everyone! 🙂

    In the grand Swedish tradition of celebrating Christmas on the 24th I am this year trying to have two full days of delicious eating and present-opening, instead of just one. Double holidays ftw! 🙂

    I should celebrate Festivus next year and get three days… hm.


  10. Great post, Kurt. It made me laugh. I especially liked the feats of strength.

    Merry Christmas everyone.


  11. After watching the video with shannon and LO I’m thinking LO could have gotten one of the cuter Kardashians…


  12. My one grievance is that Fox Sports West, ESPN, and TNT do not air the player introductions.


  13. Let’s talk about trades again. That was fun:)


  14. I’m all for “Lights Out” but I think the drama behind Horry’s 3 pointer against the Kings was amplified because of the crowd’s eruption! My memory of that shot is forever linked to the reaction!

    Happy Holidays everyone!


  15. Seasons Greetings Kurt and the gang… FB&G has truly been a family to me for the past 3 Christmases.

    May FB&G live forever as our family continues to grow…

    Wishing everyone and their families the best of everything.


  16. First time post here. Long time reader. I had to post because of the festivus reference…”I’ll get the pole from the crawl space!”

    I’m not quite as excited as last year but I’m interested in the Bron/Artest match-up. I hope Bynum “feels” better and hopefully, Mo will not light up Fish.

    Kurt, thank you for this very professional site/blog. Love every entertainment reference you put up–Mad Men, Seinfeld, etc.

    Merry Christmas!


  17. talk about trades? if we were portland, sure.

    great to be a lakers fan. great to support a team with this legacy, a great city close to my heart and the present team with so much potential.

    here’s to making kobe’s re-signing a whole lot easier.

    here’s to the most profitable franchise profiting more and more…

    and here’s to the FAs crawling to the lakers’ doorstep..kurt will shoot me for mixing up chemistry.

    and here’s to intelligent blogging!



  18. The game against the Cavs will be fun and exciting indeed.

    Happy Happy Holidays to everyone…


  19. Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to everyone! Thanks to Kurt for a great site. Everytime there’s a new post, I feel like it’s a present underneath the tree. It’s like Christmas all year long.

    May the entire FB&G family have a safe and happy holiday with your heart’s desire under the tree Christmas morning.

    Count me in the lights out group. I love how it seems like the court is on a stage and it’s a grand performance as befitting the royalty of the purple and gold.


  20. on the topic of trade

    how come I never see anyone suggest us trade for Andre Miller?


  21. Because we don’t talk about trades and because he’s too expensive


  22. Last year’s game was stressful because I felt like we had to beat the C’s just to prove to everyone (ourselves included) that we could beat them. I don’t have that feeling this year so hopefully the game will be bit more enjoyable.

    Merry xmas to everyone.