Trump Buys Lakers

In a shocking move, Jerry Buss has sold the Los Angeles Lakers franchise to famed New York real estate tycoon Donald Trump, setting off a chain reaction of events within the organization.

It had long been assumed Buss would leave the team to his children, and he chose not to disclose the reason for the change of heart. However, sources within the Laker organization suggest it may be fund more no-limit Texas hold-em poker shows for television, events in which Buss also would play. Several sources said Buss almost lost the Lakers to Phil Hellmuth in a late night, big money pot recently at the Mirage, but got bailed out with an inside straight on the river.

At the press conference announcing his takeover, Trump called General Manager Mitch Kupchak into the room and told him “You’re fired!” Kupchak seemed shocked and, in an interview in the town car that took him to the airport, alternated between complaining that it was the other members of the front office let him down and saying he was just thankful for the chance Mr. Trump gave him.

Kupchak’s replacement will be chosen on the next season of “The Apprentice.“

In the interim, all Laker player/personnel moves will be decided by a Magic 8 Ball. Trump said that should make Laker fans happy, as the moves will still make more sense than what has gone on in recent years.

When reached for a comment, Coach Phil Jackson took the news of the change with a Zen-like calmness, saying that change was a part of life he was the reed bending with the new direction of the river. He then asked if Trump had any daughters.

Kobe said the move would not affect him on the court.

“’Trump can Love me or hate me, it’s one or the other. Always has been. He can hate my game, my swagger. Hate that big, fat max contract I signed and now he has to pay. And he can hate that I’m loved, for the exact same reasons.”